To Be A Girl

So here we are.  That was fast.

As I mentioned in my last post, I attended a bachelorette party this past weekend.  It was my first where it was a full weekend event.  It was strange because the weekend had all the trappings of your typical bachelorette, but it was quite a calm weekend.

Most of the bachelorette’s friends, who are only a year above me, are married or are dying to get married.  Many didn’t drink because they were pregnant or dying to get pregnant.  It was interesting, because my circle of friends are totally different– marriage and kids are still at least a few years off.  And so other than a handful of us, most were very subdued.  So that’s why the weekend was quite calm.  In fact my favorite part of the weekend was this hike we went on in the Torrey Pines reserve.  Despite the unusually gloomy weather, I felt very soothingly transported.

I have always found Time and Expectations to be so unfair to women.  Many women feel the pressure to get married because they are nearing a certain age, to have kids by a certain time.  I never want to be that person dying for anyone “good enough” to propose to them.  Not that I judge those who do, because it is an unenviable position resulting from how life is, and I can empathize with that.  But I’m also not that girl who deserts the idea of love and stakes her ground in fierce independence.  I completely believe in true love, just without the sense of urgency. I feel very fortunate to have been able to choose to wait to find the right fit.

It’s funny what things we now think are expected in life.  For example, if I didn’t think about it any further, I would say we all deserve to have love and be loved in return.  But do we so deserve?  Who said we should expect to marry for love?   That we should expect happiness from life?  There actually isn’t any guarantee or even suggestion of that.  We made it up in our idyllic minds.

But I don’t mind that.  Recognized and ignored, realism.

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2 responses to “To Be A Girl

  1. I think women have more flexibility in their timing (for marriage, kids, career) than ever before. But I have also noticed how the pressures differ between peer groups. Out of my high school class, there was a cohort who got married and had kids right away, ones that left home and wondered far, ones that stayed in town, got married, but are currently career-focused not kid-focused.

    Only a few shared my timing (in between, really), but once I moved into a new ‘grouping’ (i.e.: married with kids), I found a new group of friends there.

    What am I saying? I think there is more room for variety on a larger scale, out of the expectations of a given social circle.

    • Definitely! I think that exactly describes our two groups of friends. But agreed, we have more room for variety now. We also have a longer time period to figure it out compared to before (e.g. I’d say society used to consider 25 to be “old” to be single/unmarried, and now it’s probably early 30s). Still, I think these similar themes and pressures continue to exist as a general matter, especially if your community is fairly traditional and it’s difficult to leave your social circle.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts and making me think more :)

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